just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
