i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i think i have two assholes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
