Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
