therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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