i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
