You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
