she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
