This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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