I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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