Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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