Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize