my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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