***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
