Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
