I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
