Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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