don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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