Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
