So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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