My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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