My hand turned me down
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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