I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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