I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize