I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
