Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
