i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
