My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
