Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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