and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
