i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
