why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
