For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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