We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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