I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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