How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
