am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
