The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
