Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
