sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
