this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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