It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
