guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How naked do you want me to be?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
