didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
