The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
