she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize