So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
