help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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