u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
