So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
