Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
