I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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