I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
