got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
