Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
