He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Let's get the cat blown out
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
