I just pynch a tree in the face
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
