just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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