Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
