my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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