my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i think my cat just said my name.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
