Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
