I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
