if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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