An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
