Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
