Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
