he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
