So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
They have beer where we have blood.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
