i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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