We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
my liver is dry heaving
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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