the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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