May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
